Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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