I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
