He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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