what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
