The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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