If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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