and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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