puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
