I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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