You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
