I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
