I'd wear matching sweaters with you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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