the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
