Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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