so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
