How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
