he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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