you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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