im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
