I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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