this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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