I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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