dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
