Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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