You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
