Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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