Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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