dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
