And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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