I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
