I faked an abortion last night.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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