I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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