I just made out with a guy for $7.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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