what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
