In the future we'll all be gay
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
