Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
