Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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