.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
