omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
