Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
