So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
