If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
