we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
