I want to stick my p in your. b.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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