We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
