The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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