oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
