I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
how does that bad decision feel?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
