we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
