just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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