Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
