HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
