Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
