i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
