I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i was born a porn star she said
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
