I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
