Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
