I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
