margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
