I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
