I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Do vagina's smell?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
