The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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