one word: firstdatebathroomanal
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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