we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
