sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
