sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
