I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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