In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
