I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
