Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
