nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
