it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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