pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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