i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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