well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize