Betty ford says i'm here all night
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
