I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
