Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
