It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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