how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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