one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
