THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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