He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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