You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
