Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
