I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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