Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
