We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
birth control should be required to get into college
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize